Once a week, I have coffee with friends. On Mondays its with one friend and on Thursdays, its with another. Its a funny story how these each happened to be, but I will share those stories another time. During these visits, I get to spend time with two wonderful women and just talk about everything. I look forward to these moments so very much. The reason I’m bringing this up is that on one of these dates, one gave me a compliment. When she did it, I started to make an excuse for the behavior that she complimented to me. I stopped myself midway through and I said, wow, do I do that a lot? She nodded and I said, you know what? Thank you. That means a lot to me.

Why is it so fucking hard to accept a compliment? A true heart felt compliment from someone who loves me? I’m like, shit, do I do this all the time? Yup, sure a shit do. Oh you look pretty today, oh you were so sweet to do that…no matter what, I always make an excuse OR crack a joke! You look pretty, me-Its because I washed my hair! Or you write so well, me-I read a lot of books…Is it just me? Like seriously, TAKE THE FUCKING COMPLIMENT AND SAY THANK YOU! It is hard for me to do this. I’m sure I could go way back into my psyche and figure out what caused this behavior. Try and correlate a low self esteem type of issue. Or it is all of that mixed into one. But moving forward, I’m going to work on ACCEPTING A COMPLIMENT. Check! Look at all this self identifying I’m doing, I’m almost a grown up. (almost)

Today’s walk was late, like late late, dark out and it was after dinner with the daughter. It was perfection. We did the full 2 miles and the time sucked because I was recording stories for my sister and her book about Mom. That is ok, it was the multitasking walk that had to get done and the stories have to get out. I’m the master of multitasking until the squirrel runs by.