Ok, here is the gist of my life right now. I walk, I work, I take care of the flowers, I read and I write. I am falling behind in this challenge with not blogging everyday. Then I remember, or stay awake long enough, to write. I know, I know, excuses. At least I’m 50% of my challenge being consistent.

Let’s recap the past 5 days. It was the 4th of July, the weather sucked, friends were out of town, the kids were working, so the hubbie and I were stuck with each other. Let me tell you, we did a lot of talking and a lot of, “This is what our lives are going to be like”. I won’t say that it is exciting, but it is going to be our new reality. When you spend the last 22 years raising kids, going to all the sporting stuff, finding what to do with your time is a transitioning period. We are transitioning. I enjoy my hubbies company, I love him, we have fun, but what do we do? This, is going to be fun and a little scary.

The past 5 days I did my daily walks and somehow, I exceeded my distance to 3 miles. It happened on 7/6 actually and ever since, I have been doing the 3 miles. Things like that seem to just happen organically during this challenge. I’m not complaining. It is taking me about 57 minutes to do the 3 miles so I’m getting to be alone with my thoughts or talk longer with my walking buddie(s). It could be worse. I’m not sore at all and I’m actually sleeping better (sleep scores for 2 days were 93 and 97). In addition, tonight when I was sitting down, my knee cap felt more defined. I’m excited to see where I’m going to be in 10 days when I do my monthly weigh in and measurement.

I’ve said this before, this whole thing is a cycle and it’s depending on all kinds of factors and the end result is a mentally and different me. One thing cannot be without the other. The two affect one another. The results are showing. See? Transitioning.

There are other things I could write about now, but I’m not going to yet. I’m still processing. The future me, who is going to read this and look back on it, may not remember what it is I’m processing, but that’s ok. If I don’t process it and then write about it, it wasn’t able to be processed.

My side gig has me reviewing some things for a credited website dealing with health. My current assignments, to review, are therapy apps. So far, I have reviewed 2 and have 2 more that I’m in the process of reviewing. To say that I’m enjoying this, is an understatement. Not gonna lie, it’s pretty fucking fun. A total change up from my 8-5 gig. The money is nice, but I’m seriously using a part of my brain that I’m not able to use as freely. Anywho, reason for saying this, is that one of my reviews is for couples therapy. I had the first session with the therapist (who is soooo fucking amazing) and it was with just me. Laying the groundwork and the hubbie will attend the next session. But it was what he said to me recently, that had me stop and think. He asked what was new in my life, what lead me to seek therapy (wasn’t going to tell him that I’m reviewing), so I said that my mom had passed away a year ago and I’m learning my new me. He said, “I’m sorry for your loss, transitions are hard.” Transitions. Why yes, transitions are hard. He said, “I don’t say death or dying, I say transitions.” Not saying it was a light bulb moment for me or it was the magic words I wish existed, but it was actually pretty profound. For me. Mom did transition. I’m transitioning. What I’m doing or going through isn’t new, but hearing transition sort of helped me because I’m always transitioning. I can use those skills to deal with this grief. Call me nutso if you want, its ok. But it did help. To think of her transitioning, I’ve been doing that. I feel her around me, I sense her when I see dragon flies or cardinals, she transitioned from earth bound to spirit bound. It is comforting to feel her around me, even if it is just in my head and heart.

I still fucking miss her, but I’m learning skills to transition my life without her.