Yeah, I know, weird title. It is what it is for this post and 100% truth.

But first, business.

Last Friday, I did walk in the morning with one of the best, blogged, but then in the afternoon, walked with another gem. 3 miles on both trips and did them both in an hour. I’m not awesome all the time, but I sure as shit was on Friday. Double walking? Boom, crushed that.

After walking the double, the boys and the bonus son took me on a date to see Twisters. Yeah, go see the movie. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve crushed on a Hollywood actor and man, Glen Powell is my new crush. He is just beautiful and my hubbie said I can crush. So I’m gonna crush (and gonna go see the movie again tomorrow night).

Saturday I did my walk in the afternoon when the boys went golfing. (I didn’t walk on Sunday and I did walk today with a gem). On this 3 miler, I contemplated the gift that I received from my sister in the mail. She’s kinda getting cooler the older she is getting, not gonna lie. No, buying me gifts doesn’t make her cooler, but she is getting wittier and snarkier, just the way I like ’em. Anywho, see when she was here over Xmas, she gave me shit about my 2 slicer toaster. Retro, silver, and pure awesome. We got it as a wedding gift 17 years ago and to quote the old folks, “they just don’t make them like they used to.” The toaster has been awesome, it has held its’ ground and the thought of upgrading never crossed my mind. Enter the sister. Gave me shit for 10 days. She put the demise of said toaster in the universe and guess what? It started to die a slow death this past week and another thing to replace. Well, said sister sent me a package on Saturday and yes, it was a toaster. It was a RED, 4 slicer of pure awesomeness…along with an amazing card. Of course, the gift was so appreciated (and not needed), that my heart swelled. She didn’t have to fucking do it, but she did, cause she loves me.

We didn’t have this before. We didn’t have this relationship when Mom was alive. Not gonna bore with all the details, but neither of us put in the effort. Mom always asked why, I didn’t have a reason other than, “I just don’t know her.” Mom accepted this, but didn’t like it. When she was dying, she played out a scene in a movie (I shit you not)…”Promise you will try.” Of course I knew what that meant. I told her I would promise. I promised I would try.

How the fuck do you try when you don’t know how to try? Enter weakness. Admit that you don’t know what the hell to do and you just say fuck it, I don’t know what to do? Yes. Yes. That is exactly what you do. You are weak. Admit you are weak and you don’t know. And you know what? THAT IS OK. Wanna know what else? Admitting that shows just how strong you are. Admitting that you are weak shows those around you that you are strong. That you aren’t perfect, you have flaws, you have things you are dealing with in your life. You don’t know it all. You don’t have everything put together and wrapped in a bow. Not everything is “fine”.

It took my Mom transitioning for me to see this in myself. Facing the grief head on has made me evaluate every fucking aspect of my life x5000. I couldn’t even have or didn’t want to have or didn’t know I needed a solid relationship with my sister. Part of that issue, is because I didn’t want to show any weakness—TO HER. (still in therapy to determine the why on this one). The moment my guard was down when Mom was gone, I had no choice. We were in it together. Guess what else happened then, she did the same. She was weak. I saw her as strong because she admitting she was weak. And now we are growing the relationship.

Admitting that you are weak makes you strong as hell. It shows that you have enough strength.