I’ve had a revelation, epiphany if you will, over the past few days regarding music. My new understanding revelation may exist or maybe I made it up, either way, doesn’t matter, new to me. I’ll explain what this is once business is conducted.

I didn’t blog on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, which, stupid, I know. But, it is what it is. I’m accepting that I’m sort of failing with this challenge, but in reality, I’m not. While my goal is to write and walk daily, I’m having difficulty doing both. Tuesday, I had a migraine in the AM so I didn’t walk, but I did feel better later and walked in the afternoon with an awesome buddy. This 3 miles was fast and fun and the additional sun didn’t hurt my mental health at all. Wednesday I didn’t walk at all. Crappy, I know. I had a therapist appointment early in the morning and walking afterwards just didn’t float my boat. Work bogged me down and I couldn’t slip away. I did have an awesome guest over for dinner and we made the Feta TikTok pasta (fucking amazing) and shared a bottle of wine with my daughter. The whole evening was just splendid and I enjoyed every second.

Today, however, I did get to get away for a walk around 11. It was a solo walk for the 3 miles, but I did get a lot of work done (recorded Mom stories for her lifebook).

Lately, at work, I’ve been listening to music while I do my writing (technical and process writing, not fun writing). During these working sessions with said music, I realized something. I’m drawn to the music itself. Whatever interesting beat, whether it’s a pop, country, classic, whatever, I’m skipping the songs that don’t have a beat that draws me in. I find songs that have something that gets a reaction out of me. Anyone else listen to music like this? And it isn’t new, btw, this is how it’s always been. It’s why I always preferred Tiffany over Debbie Gibson. Seriously. I can name a few hundred songs that have an amazing beat, chorus, what have you. Lyrics, they don’t really matter to me. I do not listen to lyrics in songs. I don’t really pay attention and some times, I make up my own lyrics because I don’t really listen to them. The chorus, that’s a little different, and I learn those…but honestly, they usually go with the melody or the beat of the song.

In the year since Mom transitioned, up until about a month ago, I listened to lyrics of songs. In fact, I went out and SEARCHED for songs that had particular lyrics or were about certain things: strength, courage, heartbreak, grief, loss…you get my drift. I didn’t really care about the beat, the tune age or the artist. I wanted songs about certain topics. To me, this was gonna help me heal or not help me feel so alone or get out a good cry. In a way, it did. Seriously, Tears in Heaven? See you again by Wiz? They didn’t like heal me, but it was a partner in my healing path. No joke, I googled Songs for When You’re Missing and Grieving Someone. They even talk about how songs can help you grieve when you google that…

I’m not doing that anymore. I’m back to the beats of the music. The MUSIC itself. Give me the beats, the hooks, get me going on a good one and I’ll be the one listening to that crap 100 times in a row.

Here is the epiphany…when we are sad, we listen to music for the WORDS. When we are happy, we listen to music for the MUSIC.

I’m moving on towards the happy. I’m not all there, but my mind is healing, along with my heart. I’m more hopeful every day. (As Fight Song is playing on my phone) Tell me that isn’t something powerful.